Why would anyone want a kid? Because it’s one of life’s great experiences
Hong Kong Free Press
Mother’s Day took a rather depressing turn this year, with new figures revealing that Hong Kong now has a world-beating figure – for failing to reproduce itself.
The average woman in the SAR can now be expected to have, according to different statistical gurus, .8 or .75 of a baby in her lifetime. You cannot have three quarters of a baby; the choice starts with zero or one. Some people still go on to two, three or more. So it must follow that a majority of Hong Kong women are not reaching one. They are not even reproducing themselves. Since the fertility rate for the other – male – part of the population is a flat zero, this means that we are as a population shrinking quite rapidly.
This is to some extent a universal problem of wealthy societies. All the European Union countries, for example, have fertility rates below replacement (which, to allow for occasional accidents, is usually set at 2.1 babies per woman), with two of them (Spain and Malta) in the 1.1 region.
It may also be to some extent a national problem. The fertility rate for China as a whole is also about 1.1, a number which is reportedly causing some official concern.
The solution to this problem has so far been elusive. Paying people to have babies with grants or tax rebates seems to make no difference. Longer maternity leave doesn’t work everywhere; it depends on social attitudes to women in the workplace.
The availability of day care is important. One Japanese town has reported encouraging results from providing a centre where, with much volunteer help, you can leave your kid any time you need to, seven days a week etc.
Anyway this is a matter for sociologists and administrators to brood over. I would like to attempt the rather simpler matter of providing an answer to the plaintive cry reported by HKFP: “Why would anyone want a kid?”
This is a matter on which we are all entitled to our own opinions, and I mean no disrespect to people who take a different view or feel that circumstances do not leave them a choice.
I realise that some potential parents believe that – how shall I put this – our government’s admirable preoccupation with national security and development leaves a deficit of attention to other matters which are more germane to the decision whether to have a kid, like education, childcare and such like.
We must also respect the views of those who believe that, looking at global warming and the stuttering global response to it, they cannot feel confident that any kids they have now will have a comfortable, or even habitable, world to live in as adults.
Any comment from me could also provoke the reply from friends and acquaintances that my experience of parenthood was cushioned by two professional salaries, a domestic helper, and fringe benefits – allowances for housing, education, medicine – which are beyond the reach of most Hongkongers, and indeed are no longer supplied to the people now working in the jobs which we used to occupy.
And then there is the matter of who does the work, of which there is a lot. Far too many men think their contribution to parenthood is the essential 20 minutes of fun to get the thing started, and the rest can be left up to their partner. Marriages are not as stable as they used to be, so the possibility of being left a sole parent looms worryingly.
All these things are true, and yet… Parenthood is one of the great life experiences. It is not a bed of roses: there will be anxiety, disappointment, separation and, sooner or later, tears. There will also, one may hope, be moments of delirious happiness of a kind rarely presented by work or the sort of play that adults get up to.
As in other parts of life’s great banquet, some dishes will be sweet and some will be bitter. You do not get to choose and there is no guarantee of anything approaching fairness. The only promise is that there will be strong flavours.
So why would anyone want to have a kid? Because it’s exciting, rewarding, meaningful and a unique life experience. Many people who cannot, for one reason or another, have a kid really miss it. If you have the choice, make the most of it.
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